As adults, most of us think we have seen it all, know almost all, and have 'been there, done that'. Comparatively speaking, we haven't. Most of us have moved throughout life with the normal scrapes, bruises, bumps, and struggles. On one hand, that is a good thing because we haven't experienced what most of my children have. On the other, it makes the window to their world more difficult to look through; harder to know exactly what is going on inside of their heads. It is sort of like looking through one of those bevelled or smokey glass windows; you can see something, but you just can't quite make it out. Sometimes that is how I feel in dealing with some of my children.
Reactions to what we might consider everyday, routine things are perceived quite differently by traumatized children. They are unable to read body language or pick up on cues the same way other children do. Because of the traumatic experiences they have endured in their young lives, their developing brains have been 'wired' differently than ours. They do not process, store, or retrieve information the way we do, nor do they always respond to ordinary experiences the same. Their senses are heightened; they are always on 'alert'; prepared to protect themselves from the unknown.
'You are safe now, nobody is going to hurt you anymore', I constantly think to myself. Unfortunately, being in a safe, loving environment simply does not erase the damage inflicted upon them. I wish it did. No, it will take many, many years to heal their wounds, to 're-wire' their brains, and yet even then the scars will remain in some form.
But until then, I forever pledge to continue squinting my eyes in an effort to peer through that foggy, shaded, smokey window to better understand so I can help my children heal their hearts, their minds, and their souls.
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